Goodbye To You
by Melissa3
Summary: Sam makes an unexpected decision to leave after Jack is gone, but is then forced to make an unexpected goodbye.
1. Sam's Goodbye

Disclaimer: I do not own Profiler in anyway.  I am just simply borrowing the characters, and I promise I will give them back unharmed to the people that didn't know how to treat them.  I also do not own the song "Goodbye To You" by Michelle Branch.  I am just using it in this story.

Author's Note: Okay, I started writing this story, intending it to be shorter and it wasn't supposed to have a song in it.  I guess you could say that it is now a song-fic.  I was listening to the song, and some of the lyrics went along perfectly with this story.  (I swear I didn't intend for it to happen! :) )  So I put the lyrics in at the beginning.  You don't have to read them to get the story, just like you didn't need to read any of this note in which I am just blabbing on.  So, I'll stop now, and let you get on to reading the story.

Takes place after the episode "Reunion, part two" in the forth season.

Goodbye To You

Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with 

_Tears form behind my eyes _

_But I do not cry_

_Counting the days that pass me by_

_I've been searching deep down in my soul_

_Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_

_It feels like I'm starting all over again_

_The last three years were just pretend_

_And I said_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I've tried to hold onto_

_I still get lost in your eyes_

_And it seems that I can't live a day without you_

_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away_

_To a place where I am blinded by the light_

_But it's not right_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I've tried to hold onto_

_And it hurts to want everything_

_And nothing at the same time_

_I want what's yours _

_And I want what's mine_

_I want you but I'm not giving in this time_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I've tried to hold onto_

_The one thing that I've tried to hold onto_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I've tried to hold onto_

_And when the stars fall_

_I will lie awake_

_You're my shooting star_

Sam walked out of Bailey's office.  She had said her short goodbye to him, gave him a way of contacting her, and gave him letters to give to John, Grace, and George.

            Sam thought back to the letters she had just written.  It was hard to say bye to the people that she considered family.  She had so much to say, but she wasn't sure how to put it into words.  Writing Grace and George's letters were hard, but when she got to John's, they seemed easy in comparison.

            When Jack was alive, it was easy to hide her feelings for John.  She knew that telling him or showing him them would get him killed.  She wasn't going to lose another person she loved because of Jack.  Even though it hurt to be so close to him, and not have him at all, she knew it would hurt more to have him, and lose him because of it.  So she buried her feelings, and convinced herself that the way she felt was because of their friendship. 

            The second she killed Jack, her feelings for him surfaced.  The second that she killed Jack, a small piece of hope appeared.  The second she killed Jack, she wanted John more than she ever had in her life. 

            So she decided to leave.  Her feelings scared her more than anything.  She was hurt so much in the past, and she wasn't ready to deal with that pain or have to go through it again.

            She made the decision and decided to leave right away so she wouldn't be able to change her mind.  She couldn't even say goodbye because she knew John would try to get her to stay, and if he asked her one time, just once, she wouldn't be able to leave.

            Sam loved John so much.  Even though she hated admitting it, she loved him more than Tom and Coop.  He was everything she wanted.  Every touch, every movement, every look drove her wild.  He knew her so well.  He always knew what to say and even what not to say.  He was one of the best things she had.

            'He always said I was brave, and now look at me.  I'm running because I'm scared.'

            Sam took one last look at her now empty office.  So many memories, both good and bad.  She spent a lot of time with John in this office.  He really was a best friend.  He acted tough, but when she got to know him better, she saw what a great person he was.  Others didn't get why she liked him so much and how they were best friends.  

'They didn't know him like I did. ' 

Sam turned off the light and walked away.

            It was over.  Her nightmare was over.  She was finally free.  She was supposed to be happy.  Why wasn't she?

            'I'm not happy because I don't want to leave him.  It's for the best, though.'

            She walked in the empty halls looking down at the ground.  It hurt to leave John, but she was sure it would hurt more to stay.  Just because she loved him didn't mean he loved her.

            Not paying attention to what or who was in front of her, she ran into someone, sending both of them to the ground.

            "Sorry."  She looked up, expecting to see Bailey.  "John," she said in surprise.

            John helped her up from the ground with a smile on his face.  "Sorry about that.  I didn't think anybody was here, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

            "Same here."

            "What are you doing here, Sam?  I thought you would be at home celebrating or at least spending sometime with Chloe."

            "I had some stuff to do here before I could go home."  Sam looked away so John couldn't see the look of guilt on her face.

            "Didn't Bailey give you time off?"

            "Yeah, but I just wanted to do some things before I left.  I mean, before I went home."  Sam held her breath, waiting to see if John would notice anything.  Thankfully, though, he didn't.

            "Well, he's finally gone.  You finally don't have to worry about him anymore.  You can have your life back."  John looked into Sam's eyes with love.  "He can't hurt you anymore."  John held up his had and caressed her cheek.  "Your nightmare is over.  You are free from him."

            Sam placed her hand on John's hand which was placed on her cheek.  She smiled at him.  How was he able to know what she was thinking just seconds ago?  Was she really that readable?  No, only John was able to read her thoughts like that.

            "John," Sam started.

            "I know, I know.  Right now you're not ready to talk about, but when you are, you know where to find me.  I'm always willing to listen to you."

            'Be strong, Sam.  You have to leave, you can't stay.'

            Sam took a deep breath in and closed her eyes.  She opened them to find John staring at her with a smile on his face.

            "What are you smiling at?" she asked in a joking tone.

            "You," he said with a small smile.  His voice was almost a whisper and it sent a shiver up her back.  How was he able to make her feel like this?  He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.  "You're so beautiful.  Did you know that?"

            Sam pulled him into a hug.  She let a tear fall down her face.  "Thank you."

            "For what?"

            "For everything.  You are one of the most important people in my life.  You are my best friend.  You were always there for me when I needed you.  You did so much for me.  You're important and I care about you more than you could know and more than words could say.  I just wanted, no I needed you to know that."

            Sam let more tears fall down her face.  It hurt so much to leave him.  She prayed that he would forgive her for leaving him.  She stood with his arms around her, unsure if he knew how much he meant to her.  She wished she could have his arms around her forever.  His arms were warm.  They were safe and loving and everything she needed.

            They stood in the hallway, embraced in each other's arms, until John pulled away.

            "Um, maybe, maybe."  He struggled, trying to ask Sam what he wanted.  "Maybe we could go out sometime, like to dinner or something?"

            "As friends?" Sam couldn't help but ask.

            "Or as more," he forced himself to say, afraid of her response.

            "I'd like that," she replied happily, forgetting that she was leaving.  Then reality crashed on her.  She knew she couldn't take it back, not when he was so happy with her response.  "I'd really like that.  In fact I'd love to."  The words hurt to say, knowing she wouldn't be able to go out to dinner with him sometime.  Knowing her words were a promise she made, even though she didn't say the words 'I promise', a promise she had to break.

            He did like her.  Was she leaving for nothing then?  Maybe she could just forget about it and not leave.  She could live happily with John and Chloe; live the life she wanted since she first saw John.  

No, it wasn't possible.  Sam wasn't sure who she was anymore.  She needed to find herself, and she couldn't do it here in Atlanta.  She had to leave, even though it hurt so much.

"Really?  Wow, okay then.  Well, I'll call you later or you can call me."  The words stumbled out of his mouth, not expecting Sam to respond the way she did.  He took a chance and put his hand on her face, cupping the side of her face.  He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.  A kiss so gentle, so loving, so pure and filled with emotion.

John looked at her as he took a few steps backward and began on his way.  "Goodnight, Sam."  The words slid sexily out of his mouth, making him seem more attractive to Sam.  He winked at her, turned around, and started to walk away.

Sam slowly brought her hand to her lips.  She fought back a wave of tears that threatened to emerge from her eyes because she knew it was not just 'goodnight': it was more than that.  So she said the only thing she could get out; the last thing she would ever say to him.  Barely being able to speak without bursting into tears and falling apart, she whispered loud enough for John to hear, "Goodbye."  With that said, she turned around and walked out of the building, finally allowing herself to cry.  

A/N:  It's me again!  Okay, first, I hope you enjoyed my story.  Second, please review and tell me what you think.  And third, I have a question for you all.  Do you think I should write one last chapter?  It would have John finding out about Sam leaving.  What do you think?  You can tell me in a review or you could e-mail me at charmedgirl@safestars.com   or rhamilton1@neo.rr.com .


	2. John's Realization

Disclaimer:  I don't own Profiler and am not connected to it in any way except for being a fan.  Believe me, I would have treated it better than the people that controlled it in the third and forth season.

Author's Note:  Oh my God!  I am so sorry it took me so long to put up this next part.  I was so busy.  I went on two vacations and have been busy getting ready to try-out for volleyball.(camp, conditioning, open gym, etc.)  Believe me, conditioning is terrible.  We are not using a volleyball the whole week.(I don't know why we have to do so much for volleyball, you can't imagine all the work we have to do.)  But hey, during vacation I was kind enough to take the time to write most of this on paper…I just needed to type it on the computer.  Which at first I couldn't even find it, thankfully I did.  Anyways hope you enjoy it.  As always, tell me what you think.  Oh, and wish me luck at tryouts next week.

Goodbye To You

"Goodbye."  He barely heard the faint whisper as he walked away from Sam.

She wanted to go out with him!  He couldn't get the thought out of his mind.  John still wasn't sure how he was able to ask Sam out, and even more kiss her.  After three years of dreaming of being able to go with her and being able to kiss her, his dream was finally happening.  

When John first saw Sam, he was taken away by her beauty.  Their eyes had met and he instantly fell in love with her.  Everyday they became closer and closer and he fell for her more and more.  She was everything to him.  He worked hard to keep the promise he made to himself the second he first saw her: the promise to keep her safe no matter what.

John was willing to give his life to keep hers safe.  John risked his life everyday by just being with her, yet he didn't care.  He swore he would stay with Sam no matter what happened to him.  The only way she could have gotten rid of him was if he being around her threatened her life.  He would do anything to protect her. 

Nobody would expect Sam and John to be best friends.  John wasn't very open about his feelings making him seem very cold.  Sam was able to see past his sarcastic remarks, though, and John decided to put down his guard for her.  Soon, Sam made John more pleasant to be around.  Sure he still wasn't the most pleasant person to be around, he still didn't trust many people, especially people he just met, and he still guarded his feelings and kept them hidden.  But all that didn't matter when he was around Sam.  He was a different person, he was himself.

John loved everything about Sam.  Her smile lighted up his world.  Her laughter made him want to laugh.  Her tears made him want to cry.  

John trusted her more than any other person.  She was the only one he was really able to talk to.  He could tell her things he never told or would never tell anyone else.

John did the very thing he never thought he would do: fall in love.

He strolled down the halls happily, smiling as he walked.  When he passed Bailey's office, he was stopped by Bailey calling his name.

"What Bailey?" he asked while standing in the doorway to the office.

"I have something to give you," Bailey said while handing John a white envelope.

"What is it?" John questioned.

"I'm not sure.  It's not from me."

John studied the envelope.  It was a plain white envelope with his name written in black permanent marker on it.  He stared at the handwriting.  It was Sam's handwriting. 

"Sam," John whispered without realizing.  John looked at Bailey.  In Bailey's hands were two similar envelopes with the names Grace on one and George on the other.  Both names were written in Sam's handwriting.

John looked at his envelope once more.

"No," he whispered.

John made a dash into the hallway and started running down the hallway.

Behind him he heard Bailey yelling his name, calling for him to stop.  He chose to ignore Bailey.  He wasn't going to let her get away.

How could he be so stupid?  How could have he not seen it.  Sam was leaving, for good.

"I wanted to do some things before I left," her voice said in his head.  She had messed up and revealed his plans to her, and then she fixed what she said, hoping he wouldn't notice anything suspicious about what she had said.  And it worked, he didn't notice.  

The conversation between the two replayed in his mind.  How did he miss her strange behavior?  He had just figured because Jack was gone that she was just making sure the he knew she was glad he was there for her when Jack was destroying her life.

He was an idiot and because of it he would lose the only woman he would ever love. 

He said goodnight, she said goodbye.  How did he miss that?  The word had been whispered and he barely heard it, but he knew for some reason it was hard for her to say it.  

If only he had been thinking clearer.

He was thankful he was a fast runner when he reached the parking garage.  He pulled open the door leading to it and entered the garage.  He looked at the space where always Sam parked.  It was empty.  

He quickly looked for her car among the few other cars there.  He didn't see it. 

He started to go towards his car, hoping to catch her at her house but something to his right caught his attention.  There was Sam's car.  Only she it was leaving the garage and pulling out onto the street.  He looked closer.  In the car was a sleeping Chloe and boxes packed with stuff.  She wasn't going back to the house.  She was leaving now, not later.

If he was quick enough maybe he could follow her in his car.  The thought crossed his mind yet he mad no move towards his car.  He couldn't move.  

Emotions swept over.  His chest hurt.  No, his heart hurt.  The pain got worse as the car drove further away.  He wasn't sure if he could take it.  

He held back the tears that threatened to emerge from his eyes.  He had to be strong.  He didn't cry.  He wasn't supposed to cry.  He was the strong John Grant.  Yes, he had to be strong because….

There was no reason not to cry.  He had watched the woman of his life drive out of his life.  Who was he being strong for?  There was no one left that he needed to be strong for.  He didn't need to be tough right now.

John fell down to his knees.  A small teardrop fell down his cheek.  And then he did the something he had barely done in his life, he cried.

Sam was gone.

a/n: Me again.  I'm thinking of writing another chapter.  It's up to you guys on rather I do or not.  Let's just say, if I do write another chapter then I will be changing the show slightly.  Well okay, it's not really a small change, but you get the point.  So what do you say, yeigh, or neigh?  Oh, wow, that rhymes!  (Sorry, I'm hyper right now.)


	3. I'm Coming Home

Author's Note: Hey guys!  I'm so sorry that it took so long to update!  I have been so busy lately since school started and have had barely any extra time.  Sorry it's so short, but I just wanted to get something done for you people.  This chapter is going to be longer the next time I update, so be sure to check back on this chapter.  I already started the next part, so maybe I'll have it up later tonight.  Hope you like it.  Tell me what you think.

Goodbye To You

The night was dark and dreary, making her even more depressed.  The windshield wipers removed the raindrops as they fell from the dark, stormy sky.  Tears fell down her tearstained face as she stared blankly at the road while she drove.  It was as if she wasn't even driving, but the car instead.  

So many thoughts swarmed through Sam's head, but they all had to do with the same thing: John.  She wasn't supposed to say goodbye to him.  Walking away from him was one of the hardest things she had to do.

She would have been better off if she never had talked to him before she left.  Maybe she wouldn't feel this way.  Maybe she wouldn't feel so broken up.  Maybe she wouldn't feel like her heart had been ripped out and left behind with John.  How was she supposed to move on with a part of her still stuck in her past?  How could she let go when it wouldn't let go of her?

She was on a journey to find herself.  To find who she was, who she wanted to be.  How could she do that at a place where there were so many memories?  Her old life was there, and if she didn't leave, she would be still living it.  She didn't want to be living that life.

But then there was John.  She wanted to be with him.  He would be the only person that could help her deal with her past and she needed to do that.  He understood her.  She needed somebody to understand her.  Somebody that reminded her she wasn't alone.  Somebody to remind her she wasn't the only one.

The argument continued in her brain.  

Why did this have to be so damn hard?

            She had lost two loves in her life already.  She couldn't lose another.

            Sam quickly turned her car around and started to head back to where she just came from: John.


	4. Eventually I'll Be Fine

Disclaimer:  I don't own any of the characters or the show.  I am only fan writing a story about one of my favorite shows.

Author's Note:  Hey all!  How are you doing?  Wow, it has been a while, a really, really, long while.  I am terribly sorry for the long wait.  I've just been so busy lately, and instead of doing my homework or talk online and on the phone right now, I decided to write.  It really tool me a long time to write this part.  I just was not sure what I wanted this part to contain.  I knew everything else, but I could not get past this part.  Every time I came up with something, I did not like it.  But for now, this will just have to do.  I like it better than the others, so I just hope it is good enough for you all.  So, enough of me going on.  Enjoy and tell me what ya think.  And, oh, the next part will hopefully be up soon!

John stood up slowly from his place on the ground and stared at the exit of the parking lot, as if staring long enough would make her come back.  His knees ached from kneeling for so long.  His head pounded from his tears and thoughts.  But most of all, his heart hurt.  His heart hurt from Sam's leaving.

John felt a sharp pain in his chest.  He felt so empty inside.  What was left for him now that she was gone?

He had never loved someone so much in his life.  With all the women he had known, none of them came close to making him feel the way Sam did.  No one would ever make him feel that way.  Only she could make him feel, make him care so much.

When he first saw her, something opened up inside of him.  She tore down his guard with her gaze.  No one had ever been able to do this to him.  No one ever could read him as well as she did.

That's when things began to change.  That's when he began to change.  He slowly opened up more and more to her.  Dreams of him and her together began to take over John's mind.  Day and night she constantly haunted and filled his mind and thoughts.  He longed to be with her.  He wanted nothing more for her to feel the same for him as he did for her.

John began living in denial as he attempted to hide his affection.  His attempts were useless though, as he was always unsuccessful in controlling his emotions for her.  His feeling grew and became stronger each day until soon he was at the point where there was no use in trying to deny them any longer for he could not no matter how hard he strived.  

Constantly John thought of ways he could tell Sam he loved her.  He came up with scenes in his mind of what he would say and what he would do.  But every time he actually considered making them reality, he backed out.

But today, today changed everything.  He had finally did it.  John at last made his move.  He asked her out, and then he kissed her.  And she kissed him back.  Oh, how long he had dreamed of that happening.  How long he had imagined his lips touching hers softly and gently.  But it all was just a dream.  It was all just false hope, false hope he had that she would ever care for him the way he cared for her.  His hope was gone.  It shattered as he watched his love drive out of his life.

Everything was over now.  His life had left him.  There was nothing more he could do.  It wasn't until that moment that he remembered the letter sitting on the ground.  John stared at the letter timidly.  He debated whether to open it or not.  It sat there taunting him, calling at him.  What did the letter have to say?  Did he even want to know?  Or would he be better off ignoring it?

He bent over and picked it up.  It sat in between his fingertips.  He lightly traced over his name that Sam had written in a hurry.  John closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.  Her picture appeared in his mind.  He gasped in pain and grasped for a breath.  He could not breathe.  It just hurt too much.  He cried out as he felt his pain sweep over his body.

The letter dropped from his hands.  He couldn't do it.  Not right now.  It was just to soon.  He could not take any more agony, not yet at least.

            Once more John picked up the white envelope, but this time, he placed it in his inside coat pocket.  Someday he would read it.  That someday was just not today, and was not going to be anytime soon.  He needed to know how to live right now.  He didn't need any reason more to hold on and longer.  John needed to move on.

            He walked back to the building, and reached for the door.  His hand rested on the doorknob.  Before grasping and turning it, he looked back one last time and let out one last sigh.  He closed his eyes.

            "Goodbye, Sam.  I love you, I always will."

            With that he opened the door and walked into the building that contained so many memories for him.  It was time for him to leave them all behind.

            For the first time in hours, he smiled to himself.  He would be fine, eventually he would be fine.

            Behind him a car screeched and soon he heard a yell, although what it was, he could not make out.  He carefully turned around, and what he saw he could not believe.


	5. Home Again

Author's Note: Wow, had this done for a while mostly, jus sorta lost interest in writing I guess…almost done with this story but the way I see it, if I don't finish at least I leave you here with an ending that actually resolves things, lol, anyways, haven't done this in a while so sorta forget what its like, but yea, enjoy…

Goodbye To You

Sam flew into the parking lot.  She only hoped she was not too late.  She had to find him.  She could not contain her feelings any longer.  That was when she saw him.  The door to the building was just closing and he was the one shutting it.

            The car screeched to a stop as she jumped out.

            "John!  John!"  She yelled after him, only hoping he would be able to hear her.

            John turned around and saw Sam.  She stood still for a second, unsure of what exactly she was to do.  

Sam looked closely at him.  He stood shocked and motionless.  He had a look of pain across his face.  Sam felt her heart sink.  Had she caused this pain he felt?  How could she ever apologize to him?  How could he ever forgive her?

Her mind raced as she thought of what she should do.  Only one thing came to her mind.  She had to tell him the truth, even though she wasn't quite sure how to.

She walked forward slowly until she was a few yards away from him.  She kept the distance between the two, afraid to move much closer at the moment.

"John," she started.  He looked down and then away.  "John, look at me!"  He didn't look.  "John, I said look at me!  I love you dammit!"

That got his attention.  He looked up quickly and gazed at her almost unbelievingly.  He could not believe she had finally said those words he longed to hear coming from her mouth.  He searched for words, but all her could mutter out was, "What?"

Sam knew now was her time to tell him everything.  She seeked for the right words to explain, but soon she gave up and decided to let her heart take over.

"John, I love you so much.  I have loved you for so long.  But I ran away.  I was scared, so I did the thing I know best.  I ran away and hid.  Because of it I've been in so much pain, and I almost lost you.  I can't stand to lose someone else.  I have no reason to run away anymore.  Jack's gone; he can't get to you or me.  There's no reason for me to pretend I don't love you any longer.

"I planned on leaving Atlanta.  Planned on leaving my old life and beginning a new one.  I planned on moving on., but I can't move on.  Not when I'm holding on to you.  I can't let you go, and truthfully, I don't even want to let you go.  I wanted to get away from everything so badly, that I didn't even think of how I would get away when I'm so attached to you.  How can I start over when I can't stop thinking of you?

"I love you John, and I just want to be with you.  I don't care where I am anymore, as long as I'm with you.  You're what I need to start over.  You're what I need to move on.  Without out you, I'm going to be nowhere.  I won't get anywhere without you in my life.  I need you John.  And I don't know how I ever thought I could leave you.  Talking to you earlier when I knew I was going to leave was one of the hardest things ever.  I realized how much I truly cared.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry I ever thought I could leave you.  I'm so sorry I didn't even tell you.  I'm sorry for everything.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you earlier.

"But I'm telling you now, John.  I love you!  I want everyone to know I love you!  I don't care who knows, as long as you know."  Her voice lowered to a whisper.  "I love you so much."

She stood still with tears forming in her eyes, threatening to fall upon the smooth skin of her face.  The silence sent shivers up her body.  Why wouldn't he say anything?  She just told him so much!  Why didn't he say anything?

John stood in shock.  He didn't know what to say exactly.  She loved him!  He had dreamed so long of hearing her say it to him that it almost didn't seem real.  He couldn't believe this was not another dream

"John, please say something.  Please," she pleaded with him.

He couldn't say anything though.  He was too happy and too surprised to speak.  Instead he took a step forward.  And then took another step, and another after that.  He kept walking until he was in front of her.  In a quick motion, he put his hand behind her head and pulled her in and lowed his head until their lips touched.  

Her eyes closed at his touch.  She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around her waist as they pulled their bodies closer together.  She raised her hands up to his cheeks, holding his face in her hands.  They pulled away from the kiss and were left staring into each other's eyes.

"I love you too, Sam.  I have always loved you.  I don't care what happens, as long as I'm with you.  Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm willing.  Just as long as we're together, that's all I want.  I love you.  I love you."

They closed their eyes and let their foreheads rest against each other.  After standing in silence, Sam looked up at John and caressed his cheek.  "What are we going to do?"

John rested his finger on her lips.  "Shh, don't worry about that right now.  We have forever to figure that out."  And with that, he leaned in and kissed her again.  But this kiss, this kiss lasted longer.  They stood in each other's arms kissing, forgetting about everything, only focusing on each other and nothing else.


End file.
